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Surfers Seven Deadly Sins

Surfing is about fun and about joy. It is about the feel of being in the ocean and riding nature’s own power. Of course the problem with all that is that sometimes humans get in the way.

Here is a list of surfing’s seven deadly sins, the perpetrators of any of these deserve to go straight to hell.

1) The Drop-In

drop-in
Picture source: dailymail.co.uk

Dropping in on another surfer still remains the sport’s ultimate cardinal sin. When a surfers drops in (or takes off) on another surfer who is already riding the wave, he or she is effectively is trying to dismantle the very essence of surfing.

The lineup would degenerate into a chaotic, dangerous mess of injury, insult and multiplicity with absolutely no winners.

You see waves can really only be enjoyed by one person, that’s why the drop in rule exists.

Sure there are a few exceptions, like when the surf is either below 2 feet, or above 20 feet, but 99 per cent of the time any drop in is the lowest, dirtiest act in surfing.

2) The Wax Borrow

waxing-surf
Photo: Roxy / Bastien Bonnarme

The wax borrow is one of surfing’s greatest crimes, one of its stealthy, low acts. The wax borrower can be seen stalking the car park of surf spots holding up their waxless board in a desperate way in the hope that someone will take pity on them.

Wax isn’t expensive and while the “caught short moment” can happen to the best of us from time to time, there is really no excuse for any surfer worth his salt not to be packing his own €3 cake of wax.

And anyway, the wax borrow isn’t usually an accidental one-off. Wax borrowers tend to be a repeat offenders, never seeing the need to be wax self-sufficient when everyone else is.

The final straw, just when you though the wax borrower couldn’t get any lower, is when they take your last section of wax, scrape their board thoroughly and return a piece the size and consistency of a booger.

Death by wasps to the genitals is too lenient a punishment for such a crime.

3) The Leash Pull

A rare and isolated dirty trick, but one nonetheless that still remains in the top echelon of dirty acts. The leash pull (or legrope pull if you come from Australia) is when a surfer grabs another surfer’s leash as he is paddling for a wave.

If done correctly the backward force of the pull will stop the paddler’s momentum and make him or her unable to catch the wave.

The most famous example of the leash pull can be seen in the seminally bad surf movie called North Shore.

4) The Waxed Windscreen

kelly-wax-car

 

Perhaps the only more dirty act involving wax in surfing is the waxed windscreen.

This is a relatively common crime where one surfer, disgruntled with another surfer’s behaviour will vent his irritation by scrawling written abuse in wax on the other’s car.

If you were unaware, the removal of wax from a windscreen is a very tedious and painstaking affair.

Ninety per cent of the time the main reason for a waxed windscreen is that a surfer has the temerity to live somewhere other than the beach he is surfing at. Apart from being a waste of wax, it is one of the most cowardly acts in surfing.

Even the greatest surfer of all time Kelly Slater has been a victim of this dirty act!

5) The Aqua Turd

Read full list, here

This piece was originally published at mpora.com / Author: Ben Mondy

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